Let me ask you this; how many couples in your social circle met through an online dating app? Not that many I presume. In fact the majority of couples I know met the old fashioned way: In person, whether that be at a party, through a friend or in the pub.
I’ve wanted to talk about this subject for a long time, mainly because apps such as Tinder and Blendr have made me see a different view of dating, and honestly annoyed the shit out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of using them just like every other single 20 year old, and as a matter of fact I have been on a couple of unsuccessful dates with guys I met on these said apps, (actual dates, not hookups). However I do honestly think there is a good reason why you’re never going to find a decent relationship on a dating app, and that’s because of expectations.
On a dating app anyone can promote themselves exactly as they want people to perceive them, which is usually very inaccurately. The most common way of doing this is lying about your height, your job, your smoking habits, your drinking habits, your interests. A guy could tell you he had a 10 inch club of a penis and you would be none the wiser until that fateful night, if you’re unlucky enough to ever get round to that. My point is when you meet someone electronically and get chatting, you’re likely to create an idealistic view of them which you’re attracted to rather than who they actually are. Moreover this is more likely to lead to you being disappointed when you meet them and realise they’re not that sexy, witty, Ryan Gosling lookalike you thought was going to take you on a trip to Paris, and then ravage your body with his 10 inch penis and Christian Grey skill and agility.
All this being said and done, I do appreciate the fact not everyone lies about themselves. Nevertheless, when you meet someone in person I think you’re more likely to know whether you have a genuine instant attraction to them. Thus this means you’re less likely to waste your time in getting to know them or taking it further. I once went on a date with a guy from Tinder who was okay…(I use okay demonstratively because frankly he didn’t blow me away). I spoke to him for about 3 weeks before this date, then two weeks after because I thought a second date might lease new light, and therefore create new possibilities. However it was all short lived and came to a crashing conclusion when he carelessly friend zoned me in the middle of a casual text conversation, (don’t men pick their moments). Anyway I can’t say I was heartbroken, but I did feel as if I had wasted my time and to be perfectly honest: I don’t have the time nor the patience for that.
I will admit to you now that I have very high expectations when it comes to men and dating. I’ve never settled for second best, and I do have to feel genuinely attracted to someone physically and emotionally before I let them anywhere near my vagina. However not all girls are like me, and many do feel like they have to sleep with a bloke in order to get his attention. To put it bluntly no matter how good you think you are at licking a guys balls, retrospectively you’re probably nothing he hasn’t had before. If a guy is that bothered about you not wanting to sleep with him straight away, he was probably only going to use you for a leg over anyway. I’ve only ever had a single one night stand, (which I didn’t think was going to be a one night stand), and it was shit: I was drunk and the whole affair still reminds me of a cocktail sausage (read into that what you will). Basically drunk sex is shit, and I still maintain the belief nothing good is going to come of you rushing into things with someone. Women should have more respect for themselves, and not feel pressurised into thinking sex is the answer to a man’s heart.
Another problem with dating apps is that they do make women feel as if they have to settle for second best, because of the quality of the men on there. I can honestly say I’ve never found a guy on a dating app that I’ve been really attracted to in all departments that matter most to me. Not to sound harsh but the majority of men on dating apps are desperate, and are the sort of guys who don’t have the skill nor the gumption to chat to women in real life situations. Personally I don’t think women should think the only men that are available are on dating apps, because they’re not and there are much nicer guys out there you can talk to face to face.
The irony of this all is that my last serious relationship was with someone I met online, however it wasn’t on a dating app it was on Facebook. Nevertheless I think it did teach me that even online there is an instant attraction you can have with someone, and that the majority of the time I’m just lying to myself about the connection I have with guys on dating apps. You may call that comparing, you may call that being too picky, but the fact of the matter is too often are women disappointed by guys who they weren’t really bothered about in the first place.
Dating apps are just smoke and mirrors. I hardly think that out of the 400 men on Blendr in my area I’m going to find my Prince Charming. Especially when all the guys who talk to you on there are probably talking to at least one other girl at the same time. In this day and age both sexes put too much pressure on themselves to find a partner, and to find their “soulmate” who they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with. Instead the reality of it is that firstly you shouldn’t base your life happiness on someone else, and secondly there is no such thing as perfection. Moreover technology is ruining our ability to find a meaningful relationship by almost making it too easy, giving us false projections, disappointing us, and making us hardened to real emotion.
If you’re looking for someone to blow you away dating apps are not the answer, and you need not download.